i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
