you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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