Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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