Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize