Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
