What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
