we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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