you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize