i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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