in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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