Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize