I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
