I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
