I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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