Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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