I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
