The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
