69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize