Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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