If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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