i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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