Nicole vs. Life
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize