yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
