God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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