If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
