Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
