i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
