He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize