Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
