I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
