this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just pee around me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
