Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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