If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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