Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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