He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize