I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
