I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
