so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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