I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize