Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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