my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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