So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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