so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
