I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
