Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
