im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
