Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
