you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize