Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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