So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
