I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
