just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize