Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
