No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize