I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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