3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize