Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm at about main and main street
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize