omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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