1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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