The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
only if we run a train.
done.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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