she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
420 ftw
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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