she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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