I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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