if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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