is your mom at the bar?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
